What I Want You To Know About Counseling

Imagine being ripped out of the arms of the only person that has ever truly loved you and protected you. Imagine being driven across state lines in a stolen 18-wheeler. Imagine being adopted at the age of 5 years old and finally being given the stability that you've craved since you were born.

And imagine not going to counseling for any of that.

That is just a SNIPPET of my story. There are parts of it that are much worse than that brief introduction to it. And there are parts of it that are so much more beautiful than I could have dreamed it would turn out to be.

But regardless, counseling wasn't a part of that journey for me.

When I grew up counseling was something that only "crazy" or "mentally ill" people would do. In fact, because my dad suffered from bi-polar issues, my only exposure to anything counseling related was the monthly trip we would take to the health department to keep my dad's disability going for us so that we had something to live off of.

In school I would go occasionally to our school counselor to talk when things just seemed "off", and I heavily relied on the relationship that I built with my youth pastor and other couples in the church who were willing to allow me a safe space to talk.

But it wasn't until after college that I finally got up the courage to seek out a professional counseling. I didn't know what I was doing. Back in those days I searched through the white pages and chose someone at random. Thank goodness he turned out to be a good guy and helped to set the bar to what a great counselor should be.

After moving to Georgia it became pretty evident through a series of events that I needed to re-

establish that connection and find my way back into counseling. And I am so glad I did. To me it has been a lifeline when all else has seemed lost.

What I Want You To Know

If we were sitting down over coffee and you asked me about my journey through counseling, here's what I would want you to know;

1. It has been one of the most difficult and most rewarding things I have ever done. It's not easy to unmask. It's not easy to be truly vulnerable with someone else. It's not easy (for me anyway) to show emotion or to allow someone to see me cry. BUT... and it's a BIG BUT... had I not done those things I would not be here today. Period. End of story.

2. I've had to learn to change. I had to learn to put some of the attention on myself and my actions and how those have led to some behaviors that have needed change. For a long time I wanted to make it about everyone else and carry a victim mentality, but when I put the focus on MY ACTIONS and how that has helped create some of the things I needed to undo, that's when the change occured.

3. I will NEVER go to a Christian Counselor. Now hear me out. I currently go to a counselor who IS A christian. He is someone who hold similar faith beliefs with me and has even been able to help lead me through some of the issues that I have held with God, the big Church, and my faith. (You don't go to 1990 judgement houses and not have issues.... just saying). But he is NOT a Christian Counselor who will only rely on prayer or faith to get me through my deep seeded issues. He loves Jesus. He also love science (which our Creator created), he loves medicine, he loves cognitive behavior therapy and even EMDR (more on that one later). And because he loves the combination of all of those things, we have created a relationship where he teaches me tools and tricks that are scientifically based and can help my body come out of fight or flight (or in my case freeze or fawn). He also prays if I ask and to me there is something powerful about someone willing to humble themselves in that moment and ask Jesus for help on your behalf. Science and faith together have been huge in my healing.

4. You can shop around for a counselor. Look, at the end of the day commerce is involved. You pay for this service no different than if you paid for your dry cleaning. Now sure, there are humans involved and therefore there is a professional relationship that gets built. But there's NOTHING wrong with interviewing your counselor. There's nothing wrong with going to another counselor if you realize that the style of that person is just not working for you. Because the truth is...they are working for you. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water and stop counseling all together just because that person is not right for you. Keep searching until you find the person that will be able to help you.

5. Healing doesn't happen overnight. It may take weeks, months, or even years to peel all the layers and get to where you need to be. And you may be someone like me where I will probably always need to process with someone. Go into it with the headspace that you are there for however long it takes to get you to the healthiest place imaginable.

6. You are building a legacy for those to come through your work in counseling. When I think of the things that my children will benefit from, that they don't even know they will benefit from because I chose to go to counseling, I get teary.

While this is just the tip of the iceberg of this conversation, I want you to know that you are worth what it will take to go through this journey. You are worth the hard moments, but you are also worth the healing moments. You don't sell your soul to go to counseling, you gain it. Take the risk and unmask.